Weed, derealization, becoming a toxic person

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by klocc562, Mar 20, 2021.

  1. My parents bought a house in a neighboring city from my high school my junior year. I had been smoking weed for about a year at that point and was making a lot of new friends and bonding more with the older ones. That came to an abrupt end when I moved and I didn't really have a weekend social life anymore. it wasn't so bad in the beginning, i'd just smoke, listen to music and watch movies every weekend but eventually it got boring, I started smoking more weed, daily, then multiple times a day, eventually doing more drugs and kinda loosing my shit I guess. By the end of senior year, my sister was brining in a lot of pills and I was popping ecstasy or Xanax, pretty much everyday, I was an addict and could barely talk to people. I remember going to grad night and just immediately leaving with mom. I still had friends but I always felt like the outsider of the group not having an xbox and whatnot so I still ultimately felt alone. I was still popping pills a few months after graduating until I got a car for college. Just went to community and dropped out cause I wasn't feeling it. I turned into this guy who had no goals besides to smoke every day, barely worked and would spend my last $20 on weed and just turned into an arrogant asshole probably from the trap music I was into at the time. A lot of my friends started not wanting to hang too much and some even blocked me from seeing their snaps...Long story short I guess moving kinda took a toll on my mental state, my parents are boring and never leave the house, barely cook anything appetizing, and I guess my childhood just got cut short when I moved and I miss it. It's been almost 6 years since I graduated and I always drive around my old hometown just 7 miles away but everything seems so dead now. Pretty much all my friends moved out of state, gone to the army, turned weird/pushy/passive aggresive religious, one had a kid, and a couple went crazy on drugs. I just started smoking again to kinda ease my mind and its good for the most part but I can never enjoy it like I did before.
     
  2. Oh when it all changes
    Ive been through about 7 different friend circles in what seemed to be 6 different lives.


    You need to create something new for yourself, from yourself now.
    Thats my 2cent

    Good luck bud, get off drugs maybe.
     
  3. Dont blame your parents and moving for your actions. Go do something and you will meet people.
     
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  4. Past three years I've realized how toxic I've became and got off several times. haven't done any hard drugs or psychedelics in 3-4 years, past three years i've quit weed 8 months then 4, 3, then 4 again but shit is getting real lonely again and I work from home and have a lot of downtime so smoking doesn't hurt. Don't really know how to meet people since I only really go out to check my local record store and can't even converse or crack jokes or just be a good vibe like the old me
     
  5. I don't I'm kinda just saying it was the catalyst I guess. I love my home and the fact that we don't have to rent a small house I didn't even want people over. I don't even know how or where to put myself out there, I only go out to visit my local record store. I have a business and I work from the moment I get up to sleep, but being that way I also have a lot of downtime
     
  6. Past three years I've realized how toxic I've became and got off several times. haven't done any hard drugs or psychedelics in 3-4 years, past three years i've quit weed 8 months then 4, 3, then 4 again but shit is getting real lonely again and I work from home and have a lot of downtime so smoking doesn't hurt. Don't really know how to meet people since I only really go out to check my local record store and can't even converse or crack jokes or just be a good vibe like the old me
     

  7. Cannabis is great medicine for self reflecting but it wont wipe your ass. Chill on the drugs and Get up, get out and work, get a motorbike or another hobby, meet new friends, get a wife, house and kids then come back to smoking weed and reflect on it all. Be nice to yourself and other people dont fall into the rat race and you will only have good vibes. Always add layers to yourself be in intellectually and spiritually not much superficially. Good luck.
     
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  8. The weed is not to blame for your problems, its all the other things you mentioned doing are the problem. Get off them, maybe even use some weed to help or go to rehab and get clean.

    Nobody is to blame for your problems but yourself. Grow up.
     
  9. #9 astrohammer, Mar 21, 2021
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2021
    Some of the shittiest douchebags in the world get to enjoy what youre denying for yourself.
    If scumbags can get friends, gf/bf, entertainment, enjoyment, ego, confidence then doesnt it piss you off that youre having a problem with it?

    Thats my mind set whenever i have my depressive/self hate/antisocial episodes. I use my anger towards this world to push me out of it. I deserve life far more than some arrogant abusing manipulator.
    Thats me though, my hate and anger has been nothing but positive in my life cause I know how to use it. For others they go off the rails with it.
     
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  10. Get clean and go somewhere that you can earn a bachelor's degree. Get a therapist too.
     

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