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The Five Perfect Stoner Jobs

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Work. Let’s face it: it sucks. That is, unless you’ve found your dream job – and we’ve all met that guy at some point or another. He’s usually a geologist or something, and he can’t stop talking about how much he dearly loves rocks. The rest of us? We’re usually not so stoked on whatever it is that pays the bills and buys the bag.

But what if we could be? Cannabis culture is booming, and that means more jobs that are all about marijuana. If you hate your job but can’t stop talking about marijuana, it may just be your time. Here are the stoner jobs we think are just perfect:

5. Pizza Delivery Driver

Not only is pizza awesome, it’s easily one of the most well-known stoner jobs out there. We’ve all been deluged with the classic stories: drivers who receive marijuana as a tip, eat the pizza before it’s been delivered and get lost on the way back, only to be fired for the tenth time by their crazy boss (who then calls them to come back the next day).

We can’t really advocate smoking and driving until you know your dose, and even then, you should pay attention to local laws. That said, pizza delivery and marijuana have always gone hand in hand thanks to the relatively relaxed nature of the work, the cool people you meet (along with the freaks, who can be even cooler) and the decent wage it usually offers. Oh, and because pizza is awesome.

4. Musician

Music and marijuana are a match made in heaven. If you’ve ever played an instrument, chances are good you’ve dreamed of becoming a famous musician at some point (unless you played the cello; cellists are not usually well known). If you’ve ever smoked marijuana, chances are also good that you’ve dreamed of becoming a famous musician.

This makes our list of awesome stoner jobs because of how perfect it is. Sadly, it’s not a likelihood for most of us. Even with talent, breaking out in the music industry takes a lot of luck. There’s no harm in trying, though, and many great musicians have delivered a pizza or two.

The best part about becoming a successful musician? You can usually sing about marijuana to large audiences without anyone knocking down your door after the show! Alright, maybe the money is the best part. But that’s a close second.

3. Freelancer (Self-Employment)

Wake up at noon. Vape in pajamas at your computer. Nap when you want to. Use your own toilet. Every day.

Freelancing offers the best balance of income and attainability on this list. If you have a specialized skill – particularly writing, designing, coding or other computer-reliant work – consider putting it to use on your own time. The world of freelancing is exploding, with sites like Elance and Freelancer.com offering thousands of jobs to eager at-home guns for hire. Most responsible, focused and self-motivated prospects will generally succeed with enough hard work.

So why is it on our list of stoner jobs? First off, you can smoke whenever you want, assuming it suits your work. All you freelance ambulance drivers should think twice, but most creative work lends itself to the herb quite nicely. You’ll also avoid drug tests (unless you have an exceptionally strong sense of self-discipline) and won’t have to deal with any suspicious looks. Finally, the rise of cannabis worldwide has opened up a number of writing positions for marijuana publications. Case in point: you’re reading this, aren’t you?

Freelance work is not all fun and games. Fluctuations in income can lead to stressful times, and most of those online sites pay a pittance. If you’re lucky enough to land a few reliable clients and keep a steady schedule, though, you might just wonder how you ever worked for the man before.

2. Dispensary/Coffeeshop Owner

Got some spare cash and a keen understanding of business? Marijuana has long been a money-maker, but legitimate sales are finally making their way across the country. The prognosis looks quite good at this point, so now is the time to set up shop. Chances are good that licenses will run dry soon after cannabis dispensaries fill out the major cities.

If you’re thinking about going the Dutch route, you may want to think twice. Licenses there are notoriously difficult to acquire; you need to wait for one to close in order to take over its license. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible, but there’s a reason it’s on a list of perfect stoner jobs, not a list of easy ones to get. Have hope, though. You can still be involved in a hands-on position within the cannabis industry. Our top stoner job will likely have many openings soon…

1. Budtender

This one should be obvious. What beats burning bud and sharing your wealth of knowledge with an interested crowd? A job that used to be reserved for the Dutch, “budtending” (selling marijuana at a licensed store, such as a dispensary or coffeeshop) is blooming across the country, with new dispensaries opening up at a rapid pace. If you’re not the entrepreneurial type but still dream of a job in cannabis, budtender is the job for you.

But what does it take to become a budtender? Well, you could start with a Medical Marijuana Training Course from an agency like HempStaff, though we’re not sure what the certification they offer really means. At any rate, most legitimate operations will likely want to ensure that you have a clean record, so all the felons reading this are out of luck until they get that expunged (don’t worry – if it’s from ridiculous drug charges, it shouldn’t be long).

Even with all the dispensaries opening up, it probably comes down to dumb luck and/or networking. If you happen to know someone in the industry, you’ll likely have a better chance. It makes sense; with all that cannabis and cash around, trust becomes more important. Your best bet is to develop a skill that relates to the business and shoot for the marketing or sales department.

 

Those are our dream stoner jobs. Do you have a cannabis career that you think is even better? Tell us about it! Unless you’re a geologist. Save it for a convention.

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