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Stoner Bong-A-Thon At Ol’ McDonald’s Farm Invokes Montezuma’s Ire

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Ok, let’s get it all straight:

The “town” (population: two) is called Stoner.

The Colorado Invitational Bong-A-Thon has been going on for 32 years, 30 of which were smartly spent underground until Colorado legalized cannabis for personal use in 2012.

The event is slated to take place between July 31st and August 2nd on a farm owned by a friendly farmer dude named Frank McDonald (AKA “Ol’ McDonald”). He was approached by the organizers and immediately accepted. In fact, he supports the idea so much that he even plans on getting married at the event, which has been organized at various secret locations by Coloradans (or is it “Coloradoans”?) throughout its history.

So what’s all the fuss about? That’s where Montezuma comes into play. Stoner is located in Montezuma County, a small, quiet residential community that apparently hates fun. As the Colorado Independent reports, local residents firmly agree with our mothers, claiming that they are “really disappointed” by the actions planned by the naughty boys and girls. We can only assume they held their tongue before telling the organizers to step back and take a look at what they’re doing with their lives, which is actually awesome: the four-day event features such highlights as a race to consume a quarter ounce of cannabis, exciting live music, a full campsite and plenty of cannabis.

To be fair, the organizers were a bit sneaky when they neglected to include “Bong-A-Thon” in their noise permit request, using its old name, Colorado Invitational, instead. The townsfolk have sought support in their fight to kill the vibe, but so far they’ve only got a measly $1,000 fine from the county to threaten organizers with. They’re seeking more assistance from various other law enforcement agencies that may have jurisdiction, but Ol’ McDonald’s marriage may prove to be the saving grace: by claiming the event as a private wedding, law enforcement would have severely limited capability to interfere.

Think you have what it takes? This year, everyone is invited. Check out their official Facebook page for more details, or go right to the source and get your tickets here. Basic entrance goes for $80, but you can get a Golden Ticket for, you guessed it, $420. We couldn’t figure out what the VIP pass provides, but at an event like this, it’s sure to be something special.

The conclusion to the battle is unclear. There aren’t any concrete details surrounding what the residents fear might happen. Maybe they’re just joint people; a peace offering could be just what’s needed to resolve the debacle. At press time, it appears as though Montezuma County has overwhelmed both the Stoners, as the location has been changed on the Facebook page to an undisclosed location (which may or may not still be Ol’ McDonald’s farm).

Nothing has been confirmed, but the event will still happen – it’s just a question of where. At least the debacle will stand as a high point of calamity in what is sure to be a lasting component of Colorado cannabis culture. Regardless of where it lands, the bongs will a-thon on!

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