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I Got Baked And Tried Starbucks’ Unicorn Frappuccino

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As a lover of things that are sparkly and colorful, how could I not try Starbucks’ new promotional drink, the Unicorn Frappuccino? Well for one thing, I respect my body enough to not pump the equivalent of three Snickers bars worth of sugar into it in one sitting. Also, the taste of mango syrup and white chocolate mocha sounded really unappealing. I have to admit that I was morbidly curious about the thing, especially as my Facebook and Instagram feeds started to fill up with pictures of people posing with their Unicorn Frappuccinos. So I finally decided this morning, on the last day of the promotion, that I would try it. I was on a mission to find and catch a unicorn.

So, after my wake and bake, I went to Starbucks right by my house, my heart full of anticipation (and a little dread). Naturally, they were out of the ingredients necessary to make the thing. Luckily, there are about a million Starbucks locations in the city where I live, so I went to the next one. As luck would have it, they were out too. At this point, I was ready to call it quits. My high was wearing off, and I didn’t want to spend my entire day going to Starbucks. I am also a stubborn person, and I was determined to find that Unicorn Frappuccino even if I had to travel to another state! I called a couple different locations until I found one that was still making them. I made sure to tip the tired looking barista 25% since she looked like she never wanted to hear the words “Unicorn Frappuccino” ever again.

I had to admit that the drink was in fact, very pretty and definitely Instagrammable. I did not post a picture of myself with it, because I didn’t want photographic evidence that I actually consumed this thing. I stared at it for a solid minute, just wondering what it would taste like. Would it taste like sour birthday cake and shame, like the Washington Post said? I took a couple sips, and I wasn’t impressed. It tasted like…sugar and Warheads sour candy. Would it taste better if I was baked? Maybe. I took a few pulls off my vape and tried again. The taste was pretty much the same. I could definitely taste the shame. It’s a good thing that this drink won’t be available after today because the last thing the American foodscape needs is another sugary nightmare concoction. If you haven’t tried it yet, and still want to, you should probably get off your butt and do it, because today is the last day. Honestly, you’re better off without it in your life.

This drink looks like it was made for stoners, but really, being baked didn’t improve the taste of this drink whatsoever. If all you want is the picture for your social media cred, your friends would probably appreciate you more if you didn’t clog their feeds with pictures of this ridiculous drink. 

Image Source: People

Have you tried the Unicorn Frappuccino? Did you like it better than I did? Share in the comments!