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5 Things No Self Respecting Stoner Ever Does

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We’ve all done dumb things when we’ve been high. Hell, it comes with the territory. No self respecting stoner does any of these things.

Drinks Bong Water

I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’ve drank a bong water a couple times in my life. The first time was when I was 16 and it was on a $10 bet. I immediately ran to my friend’s bathroom and lost all the Bagel Bites I’d only stuffed my face with five minutes before. I won that bet, but in retrospect that ten bucks was not really worth it. The second time I drank bong water (well, if you want to get technical, it was bubbler water) I was on mushrooms. I don’t think any further explanation is needed there. My point here is that you should not drink bong water folks, not even on a 10, 20, or even a 100 dollar bet. You look like a colossal dork and no one thinks you’re cool. Don’t do it.  

Steals Weed

This should go without saying, but no self respecting stoner (or all around good person) would steal from their friend/roommate/significant other’s stash. As we all learned when we were kids, taking things that don’t belong to you is stealing, and stealing is wrong. I won’t get into the ethics of stealing from large corporations who rob their workers, we’ll just leave it at “stealing is wrong” for simplicity’s sake. If you’re that badly in need, surely you have friends that will smoke you out, that is unless you are stealing from them.

Mooches off Friends

On the same lines, you should make sure that you have your own buds to supply every now and again. As stoners, we love being generous and helping out our friends. No self respecting stoner just mooches off of their friends all the time. I don’t mind smoking you out, but there is a point where it gets ridiculous and no one wants you around because you’re smoking all of our herb! We all hit a rough patch now and again, but if you cannot ever afford your own, you may consider reassessing your finances. Just sayin.

Intentionally Overdo It

Hey, we’ve all smoked a bit too much, taken one too many dabs, eaten a whole cookie, when we should have stuck with half. We’ve all overdone it. No self respecting stoner should ever get too high on purpose just to show off or make a point. This is just irritating, and will make people less likely to want to hang around you. If you’re new to the world of weed and smoking with a bunch of seasoned pros, it would be foolish of you to try to keep up, not to mention a waste of weed. You’ll end up building up your tolerance soon enough. All you need is practice!

Bully Noobs

Conversely, all you stoner sages out there should not bully people who are new to the scene. It’s okay to lightly tease your friends about being a “one hit wonder”, but don’t be a dick to someone who just experienced their first vomit cough. Remember that we were all there once. On the other hand, feel free to rip on people who cough out the bowl repeatedly, as this is behavior that must be chastised and corrected.

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What are other habits no self respecting stoner would ever take on? Tell us in the comments!