As a stoner you meet all kinds of people. Some are really cool and others not so much. I’ve been in many different circles and been acquainted with all of these types of stoners. Do any of these describe you or the people you know?
The Stoner Chick
The stoner chick is one of the coolest girls you’ll ever meet. She hits the bong like a champ and can smoke any guy in the group under the table. She usually carries a cute glass pipe with her. The stoner chick is the girl that everyone in the group wants to date, but she’s usually taken. She usually works a cool job, like barista at an indie coffee shop. Her one true love is weed.
The Skater Dude
The skater dude loves two things: cannabis and his longboard. He’s always on the go, so his favorite method of consumption is any kind of pocket vape. During the summer he can always be found at the nearby skate park. During the winter months. he’s usually on his snowboard. He lives on energy drinks and munchie food. He’s currently majoring in graphic design.
The Old School Hippy
The old school hippy has been smoking weed since long before you were born. He always has fascinating stories about “back in the day.” He’s followed the Grateful Dead on tour at least once. He prefers to smoke joints and he can roll better than anyone you’ve ever met. He has no use for fancy strains of cannabis, it’s all just weed, man.
The moocher never has anything to contribute and gets by smoking everyone else’s. He only comes over to hang out when he knows you’ve got herb and he leaves after you smoke him out. The words that come out of his mouth most often are, “Hey brah can you do me a solid?” People don’t know why they continue to put up with his shit, but they still do. Sometimes he even goes so far as to load a bowl for himself while you’re not in the room.
The McGuyver knows how to turn anything into a pipe or bong and even when they have something to smoke out of enjoys making a pipe for the hell of it. The McGuyver loves watching instructional videos on YouTube and can usually be found at the hardware store. Currently he is majoring in engineering.
The Paranoid Smoker
The paranoid smoker is constantly worrying that people know he’s high. He’s constantly looking over his shoulder and usually on the verge of a panic attack. People are always telling him “just chill man.” He always takes one hit too many.
The Cannabis Connoisseur
The connoisseur knows everything there is to know about weed and they are not shy about letting you know it. He only smokes the finest herb available and never ever smokes resin. The connoisseur tells you that your herb sucks but he’ll smoke it anyway. He’s always seen with the latest, most expensive smoking gadget. He’s a hipster, basically.
The noob has only been smoking for a couple weeks. He gets really high after taking a couple hits and is known to spontaneously burst into random fits of laughter. The noob does things like roasting the bowl and frequently forgets to use the carb. He sometimes coughs while taking his hit and coughs the bowl out. People put up with the noob because they were all noobs at one point. People love to smoke with the noob regardless because he’s really entertaining when he gets high.
The philosopher is constantly questioning the deeper meaning of things when he’s high. He often starts sentences with the word “why” and then goes off on crazy tangents about the universe. Sometimes he does this while holding the bowl and everyone wishes he’d just shut up and take his hit. The philosopher is currently majoring in, you guessed it, philosophy.
The Rastafarian takes smoking weed very seriously. Weed is life to the Rastafarian. He can usually be found either rolling a blunt or in the middle of smoking it. He smokes a lot more weed than you do and sometimes it might be difficult to understand what he’s saying, that is until you are as high as he is.
Your Friend’s Annoying Girlfriend
This girl is constantly attached to her boyfriend, who happens to be one of your best friends. She always gets waaay too high after only a couple hits and then tries to be the center of attention. She constantly makes the same mistakes as the noob, but unlike the noob, isn’t interested in learning proper budiquette. Everyone despises her, but they put up with her because they don’t want to disrespect their friend.
Do you know people like this? Chances are that you probably do. Luckily, you can weed out the annoying ones over time. Your friend will eventually dump his annoying girlfriend, and the moocher will find someone else to mooch off of, once you’ve served his purpose. You know you’ve got a good group when it’s consists of awesome stoner chicks and no moochers.
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Does anyone you know fit these descriptions? Share in the comments!